My Caffeine Friend

There is one carpenter who carved massive smile on people’s face. Not tired of creating giggles and laughs on me but after Feb 9th , the sweetness turns bitter. I bawled my eyes out and severely traumatized when he merrily shouted; “I’m going to Aussie!”. I faked my happy tone-voice and proudly congratulated him. Another brightest intelligent friend of mine ;-). I shared his pride too but I was sarcastic myself at the same time though. But he should realize that some things are best unspoken.

Time poisoned than healed, it began to ghost me. The greyness emotion and a sudden break. The feeling slowly moving through my system and breaking some of my defenses with time. He invaded my security. I sniffled woefully. I was no longer calling him on phone when I was breakdown cos I wanted to practice being non-dependent on him, I always skipped his name when I browsed my phone book. I ain’t want to burden him with my troublesome. The future fact stated; “who’s shoulder I’m going to cry on when he leave soon?”. I was tongue-tied n spaced my speech with Errrrrr.

He is almost perfect person as a friend who would thinking beyond the bounds about people rather than himself. I can see the way he protect his friend and become a shelter to people’s rain. I respect him for that. We used to argue n go through break-the-friendship state. I was fool and keep my ego like a gold. He gave everything & honestly but it's every fault of mine to beg you for forgiveness just seems wrong. See, leaving you is one thing. Its like a big lumps or more like a hole in days. I mean if I go to OU, who going to accompany me for a haircut, movie, or hear bout me talking bad about people. HAHAHAHA.

The crowd is getting thin but it's okay. I will get use to it. If I live in West, my wish on Christmas would be in access-denied-box. Prolly regained faith in the fat guy with red questionable clothing choices is stupid. LOL. This month, he heightens the suggestion of sadness but you know we got various methods of cross-border communication so please I’m begging you for not being traditional. ROFL. I promise you that I’ll be smiling in the morning on next Tuesday. I already miss you my caffeine friend, webcaming and talking on the phone in late night. I believe all of your friends will miss you too. Our thoughts and prayers are with you, Ahmad Aiman bin Ariffin :’).

Like the deserts need the rain

My hand was slippery, I lost my grip to what I belief. I believe that bird always come back to it’s nest but uninvited question keep writing on the wall of silent. “When the bird will come back to it’s nest?” You answered another 2 months to go. I counts the day. Every morning, I asked “How many days left?”. See I don’t know if I could wait for much time. I’m so excited bout day lately.

I told a lot of white lies to hide it all but they’re beginning to break me down, though I promise it’s over now. The story of Pinocchio may not be entirely mythical since I was one. I can’t pretend to be a Pinocchio anymore, I’m 18. I’d suppose to be human by this time than remain being wood-made. I don’t blame you at all ‘cause after all the things you did for me is just an art; LOVE.

I know loving you is like a war. My only soldier (heart) is trying to preserve our’s . Now, we’re a caught in a circle, a constant battle. I know I’d you wrong, I was making it up to you. I apologized in a million ways. The day you hurt me, the day I hurt you and the clouds took its part to cast a shadow on us and I hope that you’re happy we’re even now.

I’ve got beaten by love till I’m no longer hooking or seeking others. I’m not defending myself but what I’ve done before cos insecurity and for single last reason is want to have companion when I was lonely while you were busy on your work or on the other hand busy ignoring every man make advances toward you. Presently, my infection of the disease is gone. I'm stick wit u. But here, I’m suffering. I’m longing for companionship. I am batching it. I’m crying. I don’t want you to see me crying till my tears run dry like the desert need the rain cos I want my tears to fall down on you so you know how pain it is.

Preserve Some Measure of Dignity

Hey readers, the one who reads mine habitually. Tonight, I’m willing to lose sleep in order to put language down on blog. Yeah, I almost forgot what is blog. Lol. I’d supposed to update by days but it seemed like I was busy. I was putting one whole month in one day. *take a long breath*. First of all, I want to address a warmly apologize to people who I might not intended to hurt especially love one. That’s life. Life ain’t bitch but a maze created to every soil-made human. We don’t always behave generously and we have regret. I do have regret back days. I know SORRY have the earmarks of easiest word but I truly flow it with humility.

This January would prolly be a pit start for me to make a wider route to correct myself n spicing my life with loyalty. I do believe Lord have mercy. For all one knows I may doubt to not administer trust in “me” but one thing for sure if you heap upon your confident in me. I would not jeopardize your commitment. My vow people! Once, I was minor party-goer and share one goal; to consume obscene amounts drinks n now 8 months I leave those damnation. All I could mumbling is I’m proud. Cheers…. As in showing thumbs up ;-)

My strategy to turn down my social fun is achieved. I want to hide half of me from public. Hiding things is a daring game cos some shitter tends to dig. I have reputation to keep sustained yaw. With age, not only do I lose my secret hiding places, but becomes tougher to conceal my flaws, my opinions, my past, my emotions, my mistakes and of course, my treasures. What follow isn’t designed to help me hide from law or pull off anything illegal. Rather, its purpose is to help me preserve some measure of dignity in a world that wasn't to know and expose all. I’m tired listening to rumors bout me doing that thing n that thing. Pergh! It was an earshot! I just ask for silent treatment. To friends, thanks for the advices u gave me as guardian. I followed most of your rational though n u corrected my mistakes. thanks friends; the attendant of angels.

Sigh… enough with praising friends (kang diorang berangan plak). I step back from my busy live and ask myself key questions about my core values; “Am I doing well in classes?”, “Did I study last night?”. Yes, I grip this faith that I balance my both worlds. Above is my exclusive picture wearing WTF uniform n surely I looked WTF cos I even asked myself “WTF am I wearing this WTF?”. -_____-”

Restoring Sugary Tenacious Memories (Part 2)

There was a day I spent with Aiman and his friend. He forced me to karaoke even though I instantly refuse to do so. But that motherfucker was heavenly good. He really pushed my ass to the limit and BABI-ly stressed me to grab the microphone. Miracle happened! I sang malay songs. High Five! Lol. Actually I refused to karaoke because my voice wasn’t at its best to show off. HAHA. Bodo neyy. Then we break off for few hours; I went for a haircut while Aiman went to the gym. After that, I met Fathur. It was fun babysitting him n finding his brother and sister. (phew… penat aku jaga baby tua tue. LOL).

I missed this big girl. While I was composing oneself for my final, I took an hour to laze with Yana. Just on the phone. I called her for updates. U know… girls always wind us such issues. But one thing for sure, she is so impressive. Back then it was easy for me to turn her down with all the sarcasm epic words but now she won a monumental victory. She made what a comeback with BABI-ly counterattack. Habis aku kena buli malam tue. HAHAHA. That’s towering when u still friend with ur x’s. Healthy relationship (what people called it). I wish I could hang out with her soon if her bf allows me to borrow his PET. Lol. Gotcha!

I’m waiting a righteous time to spend with this girl; Zaza. It’s been a year I ain’t got no chance to meet her cos our schedule always flawed. DAMN! I promised her that I will meet her soon baby ;-). One thing, I can remember bout her is the first time engaged her laugh. The same laugh like Cameron Diaz. I loike ;-). We still connected and glad to hear her laugh when I was pumping my adrenaline. I was merely exhausted and what a nice time that she called me cos I acted talking on the phone while I was actually rest my heart from a continuous exercise. LOL. Yer lah.. I don’t want people saw me pancit bila jogging. Cover girl sekejap. Hahaha.

Ed & Shaker. Asalkan lepak asing2 kot

Ijoy.

For a final call to this title, I met Shaker, Ed & IJoy; 3 awe-inspiring people (don’t ask me why I use this word, I just want them to treat me $$$. Lol). Honestly, I’m glad that I don’t only choose one type of social circle. I refuse to have LARGE social circle but A LOT of it. People who live expanded time than us (OLD PEEP. hahaha) can teach us amount of moral and lessons. Parents may be a good source but they might not be understandable. I try to live my life with fewer mistake counted. Even though big guy tends to be bulldozer but I have to be smart in making neutralization. One to One attack. LOL. Peace out. Btw thanks to most of my readers and new follower. Heart u (bapak sissy ayat aku). Love; Aliff

Restoring Sugary Tenacious Memories (part 1)

Pictures hide billion of capacity for retaining. When I was colourless and bored at home; scratching my balls, I deep through all my pictures to remember the fun house I’ve had thus I won’t be in world-weariness . One photo is like a tablet of memory. No limited prescription. One minute I screened one by one. Yeah. It’s lively my mood somehow. Here are the pictures that I missed to update.

It was a meeting with my best friends after few months of separation. I arranged the date cos Zakiyy’s phone was stolen (usually he was the one who managed the meet up) and I don’t mind to take over his job since I’ve been longing to them. I met Jaja; my best girl friend, Zakiyy & Adam. Adam joined us at dawn cos he was at Damansara with his cousin. Three of us leisured at Starbucks; talking about own’s crisis and Adam came out with his HUGE joke experienced at his UiTM. Dangggg. It was funny. Especially bout the faggot’s statement. Bengong aku.. Then we played truth or dare. I always go with the dare but for shit, they wanted me to go with the true cos they really eager to ask me bout SEX. -____-”. Sengal!

After that, I went to Genting with Pdot, Amy & Dewi at 4 in the morning. No conditional business. Just to fill up our own free-hour. Fuck! I was cold. My dick turned ICE!!! I was the only one who brings a sweater but stupidly I gave my sweater to Dewi cos she attacked my weakness. Lol. I can’t resist sweet talker though. But that’s okay; I practiced my gentlemen point on the other hand. ROFL. I keep jinx and throw all the curse towards Pdot because he was the only guy that can hold such degree. He even did the cuckoo dance. Ceh… what a show off polar bear -___-”

Two random girls asked me izzit amy? Y he doesn’t look like amy?

I answered; "yer la babi nieh. lol"

Flirts lightheartedly to win admiration and affection

Hey guys! My apology to all my readers cos I’ve been busy with study and social life recently. No worry dear, now I’m treasuring my luxury holiday for three weeks and I better pay you guys with amount of updates. Last Sunday, I reached my apartment quite early than expected time after filling all the unrestricted time I’ve had before final. Then, Calvin shouted my name three houses away. I was thunderbolt by his “Missed Call” when I busied looking for a right key to spell the main door of my house. He wanted me to accompany him for dinner since he was starving for weighty food that can satisfy his painful sensation. I’m fine with the plan although I was superbly exhausted but I ignored the extreme weakness cos I need to update this Calvin. I haven’t seen him for couple of weeks due to business. Actually he is the one who was 24/7 sticking to his girlfriend after and before class. Haih.. Macha..

We went to a stall somewhere in Cheras. We had a guys talk though. It was fun. Relationship and Love is always being my food of conversation. As between the period, I attacked Calvin with tones of question regarding to relationship with his gf. He was numb at some interval. I shooted him. LOL. Then…. He asked me. Dang… I’m single. He bullied me with demoniac sarcasm and said I’m wasting my life being a single man with wrinkled scrotum and overcooked dick -_____-” (BABI! That’s ouch. What a revengeful Indian guy. rofl). I ended the talk show and showed my superior middle hand ;-). While eating, Calvin dared me to coquette with some girls at the scene. I answered, “Wtf! We eating at stall. There are no pretty girls eat char kuey teow by the road”. He replied, “hey blind fool bastard! 12 o’ clock”. “okay, understood”, I answered after my eyes attracted to two femme fatale. Yummay….

I took a challenge though cos people won’t call me by animal name (elephant) if I wasn’t wild. POYO! I asked for a pen from Calvin and make a move to those girls. I just want to flirts lightheartedly with girl to win their admiration and affection but not their commitment. I went to their table and signing for order. The Chinese girl stared at me with such pair of sharp eyes and yeah! I was (gulp) and remain as statue of confident even I did shaking my word somehow.

Me: Hey girls. May I take your order? Eh.. hurm.. cik nak order ape?

Chinese girl: huh? U ambik order ke?

Me: yeah.. only to pretty girls.

Indian girl: (laughing) fine with me. …………… (the order)

Chinese girl: (blur mode) satu ice lemon tea

Me: Okay. Good. I repeat the order. One handsome gorgeous guy and one messy dirty man (by looking at Calvin).

(Calvin was smiling looking at me and the girls. He was totally blanked of what I said when 3 of us looked at him. Hahaha. Padan muka ko calvin)

Chinese girl: hahaha. What a lame trick.

Me: hey. What lame? I try to be update with the news what.. seating with both of u. take a word of 1 Malaysia. U Chinese. She’s Indian. I’m Malay.

Chinese girl: that’s cheesy… how bout u go help us with the order. That would be truly 1 Malaysia.

Me: HAHAHAHA. Okay. I help u after u help me to memorize your number phone.

Chinese girl: Here are two girls seating next to u. tak elok if u only asking for my number.

Indian girl: May! Don’t include me la.

Me: I’m not trying to be greedy tonite my dear. Here’s a pen and tissue

Chinese girl: (take the pen) Oooo. U r 2 clean for my number. Let me make it easy for u

Me: (can’t stop laughing)

Guess what? She wrote her number behind my neck!!!!!!!! She is damn good. I always think that tackle a girl randomly is outdated but at least I’ve made it as good as possible. Proudly presented :’). Actually I dislike the girl who is so easy to attract cos it show their personal price but those girl are not bimbos. They are like brainers; a sophisticated girl. As examples; Oprah & Martha Stewards. Yikesss! MILF! Nah……Wrong example. LOL. Sometimes I wish if we were born as a couple like Adam & Eve. It would be so easy then. No trouble and drama. Less energy used to seek for a partner too. ROFL.

Love Letter

This agony intensified as the urgency to my relationship with my favorite person. Today, I felt a horrible mass sitting in my heart. My mood loomed ominously and automatically tingle my eyes to well up with tear. When I was in a crowded room spaces with noisiness, I feel alone like nobody’s there and I was cold without sensational hug. My eyes were immune to see the happiness. I went to the bathroom, taking shower so you don’t see me cry. I know it was a crime that hid behind the letter L. Well, I just miss you till you almost took my sanity. That’s why dozens swarmed of negativity infected my brain like a tumour. I’m digging your attention and commitment on the first time we hold hands in the cinema. I only ask for one small hole in you so I can feel secure and safe. I never had this feeling to other human being besides you who keep a key to my heart. If I was new to this relationship, that's fine cos I’m still trying to learn this art of love. I’m not going to give up on you. I already cast a spell to you that I'm not going to cheat behind your back. On the other hand, i hope u be there for me when i need a voice of support and treatment. Sayang…. Saya harap awak maafkan saya jika saya keterlaluan atas kelakuan saya yang kurang bijaksana.

Your Un-official Husband;

Ikmal Aliff Jamaludin

It was my picture of our first webcam Session.